Scott and I went to a wine tasting event in the city last night! yummy! I wore my cute sundress and sandels and we just relaxed and drank and ate cheese.  We both made sure not to drink too much.   Friday we're gonna go play tennis and i'm hopefully gonna make dinner for him.  Here's the thing about living with ur parents....u don't get much privacy so on saturday i'm meeting up with a real estate agent....i found these 2 cute condos right dead smack in the city that are adorable that are seeling for 350,000......my goal is to buy by the end of this month...yehyeah i know im rushing but i need to get out of here....for gods sake i cant even cook dinner for my own boyfriend! haha

Went on a 15 mile hike with him on sunday...awesome!  hopefully in the next few weeks we get to go to the zoo :)  

work is good....dont have any projects at the current moment..kindof in between so my days usually start at 9 and end at 2...but we are all starting a new asignment on the 20th so till then i suppose it's all fun and games

I  just got back from the office(it's 2pm!) haha and i only slept maybe 3 hours at the most.  Anyways i'm gonna take a shower, read and then fall asleep.  Scott called and we talked for an hour last night at work about EVERYHING! he said that he really likes me and that's hes never felt this comfortable around a girl, and just how awesome he feels around me...it made me smile...we talked about the nathan situatoin and how he's sortof mad but he's slowy getting over it.   We're hiking tommorow(15 miels) and having a lil picnic :) hehe....yay for summer romances...

i've decided that i'm just gonna trade the honda in(it's an accord) and i'm gonna get myself a new civic)

I'v e been dating the mail carrier on and off...nathan asked me to go to dinner with him this evening to talk about a few things...should i except?  fuck! i know i shouldn't because ovbisouly it woulg give him the upper hand....grrr..

I CANT  DO THIS ANYMORE

I've  been mourning the loss of nathan again and haven't slept in about 6 days.  I usually fall asleep at 10, wake up at 12, and im so anxious i just stay awake till i have to take a shower drinking coffee.   Last week i started checking nathan's phone bill again...he has the same password, so i made the mistake of calling him and having him tell me that he has fallen in love.   

So for the past week i was trying everything i could to get him back, i showed up at his place, i cut the shit out of my arm, i cried and screamed and through a book at his face.   It's been one miserable week.  Everytime i eat i get sick to my stomach, i feel like i just wanna hurrle, so i haven't eaten much.  

Let me tell you what the worst feeling in the world is....when  you madly head over heals in love with someone, but that someone isn't...when you plan your entire future and life with that person.   Miranda-i have no idea how you do it, especially with a child.   It's a gut renching feeling.

You go through a mini stage where 24 hours a day your heart is pounding, your anxious, you just keep calling and trying to have them take you back, trying to get your point accross.  

It's monday and i took the day off, yesterday i went to see my psycholigst and she reminded me that no matter what it is in your life...a promotion, a relationship struggle, a marriage struggle, a death that it's not happening to you, it's happening for you.  You can't force a promotion, or a marriage, or a relationship, or someoone whos dead to come back to life....you have to take what you are handed, rise above it...because every struggle has a meaning behind it.  

I may not see the meaning right now, but one day i will see it....it's not happening to me, it's happenign for me...god has bigger plans.....what would life be like if there were no struggles?

There are greater losses in this life then losing a fiance...but until you have personally gone through this, you will never understand the pain it feels to lose your best friend, your soul mate, the person that was going to one day be your husband and quite possibly the father of my childern......

you will never understand how painful it is.....im still sad, but im slowly trying to gain control out of my life.....i can get through this, god has bigger plans....time will telll

I havent  slept in 48 hours.  ok maybe like a total of 4 hours in 2 days...im just too damn anxious..my hear is pounding, im shaky and i cant stop crying....

 So i just got home.  He is freaking amazing :) so i got all snazed up in my cute little dress, got all pretty, went to his house.  He was looking all handsome :)  we sat down and talked and ate steamed shrimp with cocktail sauce and champaign as an appatizer.  We talked, and i have neve felt so comfortable around a guy in a long time!   he kept holding my hand and tellilng me how beautiful i am.  :)

We then sat down and ate dinner under candelight, again it was salmon, sweet potato, asparagus and this noodle stuff with red wine.  It was amazing! he is such an amazing cook!! who would have thought?   

I can't stop smiling :)

Anyways afterwards i ended up changing into pj's and we watched a movie, talked throughout most of it.  and since then we've been talking and eating out of a tub of icecream.

He is amazing and he is such an amazing kisser :) he's perfect :)  i don't deserve such an amazing perfect guy.  :)


So now it's almost 5am and im not going to bed, im gonna go make some coffee, watch some tv and hopefully start studying for this exam .  I'm taking this exam so that all i would have to do is take 15 credits to get a bachelors degree in interior design instead of the 30 that i need..it would eliminate soo much :)

So happy now :)

oh and apparently nathan is dating a 30 year old(he's 24) it's kindof weird in my opion but she looks super young...she's my height ...haha

ps.... 3 more hrs till my date :)   yayayayayayayya1   he's supposibly making salmon, asparagus, and sweet potatoes for dinner with red wine :)  im excited super super excited :)