Penny

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-15T01:17:00

2008-05-15T05:17:52Z

I'm not posting anymore due to someone thinking they'd harass me, accuse me of things, and completly betray me. I do still read daily and comment to posts so please dont defriend me....

i will not let these ppl ruin it to the pt where i get a new journal...i will just paper journal on my own.

thanks to the supportive ppl.

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-11T18:14:00

2008-05-11T22:14:47Z

so whole foods had a sale on daisies for mothers day...i think i literally spent a good 40 dollars on daisies today, lol.
carbonated water is my friend :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-10T17:51:00

2008-05-10T21:54:53Z

So the place i put an offer in is selling for 300,000..i put an offer in at 285,000...it's so freaking cool..the entire place is only 4 years old...it is all hardwood(something i've always wanted)..up to date high end ultra modern appliances....one of those refrigerators where the freezer is on the bottom..it's digital. Argg...i really hope i get this it's gorgeous and it's right on 5th avenue which is 2 blocks from work(i can walk!!!) and right smack dab in the city...u walk out on the porch and u can see the moutains(it's on the 17th floor)...ahh im super super happy and im just praying right now that i get this.

I'm going to ikea and pottery barn tommorow with scott and we're gonna pick stuff out :)

eww and i got roses delivered to my door this morning :) woohoo...

ok calm down...

just did pilates for an hour and now im getting ready and heading to scottys..we;re gonna cook some soul(fish), and some yummy other foods :) mainly he is since he is an amazing cook :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-10T13:10:00

2008-05-10T17:10:34Z

well...

i put an offer in today :)

im excited....never htought id make such a quick decision like that but it's an amazing place :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-07T18:36:00

2008-05-07T22:39:56Z

Scott and I went to a wine tasting event in the city last night! yummy! I wore my cute sundress and sandels and we just relaxed and drank and ate cheese. We both made sure not to drink too much. Friday we're gonna go play tennis and i'm hopefully gonna make dinner for him. Here's the thing about living with ur parents....u don't get much privacy so on saturday i'm meeting up with a real estate agent....i found these 2 cute condos right dead smack in the city that are adorable that are seeling for 350,000......my goal is to buy by the end of this month...yehyeah i know im rushing but i need to get out of here....for gods sake i cant even cook dinner for my own boyfriend! haha

Went on a 15 mile hike with him on sunday...awesome! hopefully in the next few weeks we get to go to the zoo :)

work is good....dont have any projects at the current moment..kindof in between so my days usually start at 9 and end at 2...but we are all starting a new asignment on the 20th so till then i suppose it's all fun and games

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-03T14:13:00

2008-05-03T18:16:25Z

I just got back from the office(it's 2pm!) haha and i only slept maybe 3 hours at the most. Anyways i'm gonna take a shower, read and then fall asleep. Scott called and we talked for an hour last night at work about EVERYHING! he said that he really likes me and that's hes never felt this comfortable around a girl, and just how awesome he feels around me...it made me smile...we talked about the nathan situatoin and how he's sortof mad but he's slowy getting over it. We're hiking tommorow(15 miels) and having a lil picnic :) hehe....yay for summer romances...

i've decided that i'm just gonna trade the honda in(it's an accord) and i'm gonna get myself a new civic)

oh_pennie @ 2008-05-02T08:11:00

2008-05-02T12:18:55Z

We are meeting with the lawyer next Thursday to proceed with the official divorce. Under the state of Colorado all we really have to do is stay seperated for an entire year and meet every 4 months to sign documents. We wen't together long enough to share money(we both have separete accounts), we don't have childern, we don't own anything except the honda. The honda is in his name but i drive it. Nathan told me to just keep it, he'll make 6 months of payments and then hand it off to me.

I did end up meeting up with him jsut to discuss how things would be done, technocly the apartment is gone and has been gone, btoh of us had to pay 4 months of rent so we just split that up and i pay for 2 and he pays for 2....we're being civil...

my parents are soo incredibly pised that we eloped and i never once told them, and ive held off on any divoce proceedings for months but i think both nathan and i thought we could slowly work things out....if we can't work this out how on earth would we be able to work the rest of our lives out.

I told scott(the mail carrier) about the marriage and at the current moment he isn't speaking to me...i guess i should have mentioned all of this a long time ago. oh well...i really liked him, so hpefully he forgives me...i even sent him roses to ask for forgiveness :)

alrighgy i gotta get to work now, im working overtime to finish up a project..so i may just stay at teh office till tommorow morning :) woohoo...hopefully the coworkers and i can order chipotle for dinner :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-27T12:54:00

2008-04-27T16:55:20Z

I'v e been dating the mail carrier on and off...nathan asked me to go to dinner with him this evening to talk about a few things...should i except? fuck! i know i shouldn't because ovbisouly it woulg give him the upper hand....grrr..

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-22T22:32:00

2008-04-23T02:32:37Z

I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-21T10:06:00

2008-04-21T14:14:55Z

I've been mourning the loss of nathan again and haven't slept in about 6 days. I usually fall asleep at 10, wake up at 12, and im so anxious i just stay awake till i have to take a shower drinking coffee.   Last week i started checking nathan's phone bill again...he has the same password, so i made the mistake of calling him and having him tell me that he has fallen in love.

So for the past week i was trying everything i could to get him back, i showed up at his place, i cut the shit out of my arm, i cried and screamed and through a book at his face.   It's been one miserable week. Everytime i eat i get sick to my stomach, i feel like i just wanna hurrle, so i haven't eaten much.

Let me tell you what the worst feeling in the world is....when you madly head over heals in love with someone, but that someone isn't...when you plan your entire future and life with that person.   Miranda-i have no idea how you do it, especially with a child.   It's a gut renching feeling.

You go through a mini stage where 24 hours a day your heart is pounding, your anxious, you just keep calling and trying to have them take you back, trying to get your point accross.

It's monday and i took the day off, yesterday i went to see my psycholigst and she reminded me that no matter what it is in your life...a promotion, a relationship struggle, a marriage struggle, a death that it's not happening to you, it's happening for you. You can't force a promotion, or a marriage, or a relationship, or someoone whos dead to come back to life....you have to take what you are handed, rise above it...because every struggle has a meaning behind it.

I may not see the meaning right now, but one day i will see it....it's not happening to me, it's happenign for me...god has bigger plans.....what would life be like if there were no struggles?

There are greater losses in this life then losing a fiance...but until you have personally gone through this, you will never understand the pain it feels to lose your best friend, your soul mate, the person that was going to one day be your husband and quite possibly the father of my childern......

you will never understand how painful it is.....im still sad, but im slowly trying to gain control out of my life.....i can get through this, god has bigger plans....time will telll

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-18T03:53:00

2008-04-18T07:54:23Z

I havent slept in 48 hours. ok maybe like a total of 4 hours in 2 days...im just too damn anxious..my hear is pounding, im shaky and i cant stop crying....

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-14T19:54:00

2008-04-14T23:55:33Z

alrighty i need lunch ideas...im getting sick of turkey sandwiches and chicken sandwiches..i eat white meat and fish only...not red meat..but keep in mind that i get a 30 min lunch at either 12 or 12:30 so i dont have access to a stove or oven..the only thingi have access to is a microwave..please help!!!!!!

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-13T04:42:00

2008-04-13T08:47:31Z

So i just got home. He is freaking amazing :) so i got all snazed up in my cute little dress, got all pretty, went to his house. He was looking all handsome :) we sat down and talked and ate steamed shrimp with cocktail sauce and champaign as an appatizer. We talked, and i have neve felt so comfortable around a guy in a long time! he kept holding my hand and tellilng me how beautiful i am. :)

We then sat down and ate dinner under candelight, again it was salmon, sweet potato, asparagus and this noodle stuff with red wine. It was amazing! he is such an amazing cook!! who would have thought?

I can't stop smiling :)

Anyways afterwards i ended up changing into pj's and we watched a movie, talked throughout most of it. and since then we've been talking and eating out of a tub of icecream.

He is amazing and he is such an amazing kisser :) he's perfect :) i don't deserve such an amazing perfect guy. :)

So now it's almost 5am and im not going to bed, im gonna go make some coffee, watch some tv and hopefully start studying for this exam . I'm taking this exam so that all i would have to do is take 15 credits to get a bachelors degree in interior design instead of the 30 that i need..it would eliminate soo much :)

So happy now :)

oh and apparently nathan is dating a 30 year old(he's 24) it's kindof weird in my opion but she looks super young...she's my height ...haha

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-12T16:39:00

2008-04-12T20:39:22Z

ps.... 3 more hrs till my date :) yayayayayayayya1 he's supposibly making salmon, asparagus, and sweet potatoes for dinner with red wine :) im excited super super excited :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-04-08T03:59:00

2008-04-08T08:02:00Z

I met a boy
he is nice
his name is kevin
he's a mail carrier
we went on a date
we saw a movie
and ate at a tai restaurant
he's making me dinner on saturday
at his house
i'm scared to get hurt
i won't lie
i've been hurt too many times
but...i've never met a guy like him
i've never said that before
that scares me
did i mention
he's also extremly goo looking?

oh_pennie @ 2008-03-28T22:58:00

2008-03-29T03:00:37Z

if anyone wants any of my old vegan products, you're more then welcome to take them. Obviously im no longer a vegan, haha...unopend shampoo, conditior, hair brushes, hair ties, 3purses/bags.

nothing has been used.

oh_pennie @ 2008-03-23T14:21:00

2008-03-23T18:23:34Z

As the days go on i'm wondering if i really want to do this forever! I met this guy at church last week who works for the Post office, basically he's a mail man and it's really enticing me to become a city carrier. I would be able to be outsie most of the time moving around(not sitting at a desk!) and i can make up to 70,000 depending on the amount of hours iw ant..most people get about 50,000...hmm tough decision, lol...but well wait an dsee...one day at a time.

oh_pennie @ 2008-03-17T19:02:00

2008-03-17T23:03:17Z

sorry ashley dupree i dont find you attractive, nor do i have sympathy for you. i mean you fucked for a living, lol..get over urself

oh_pennie @ 2008-03-15T07:55:00

2008-03-15T11:58:54Z

I hate reading articles about how it's wrong for a woman to have "a low sex drive" i feel like so many couples spend too much time trying to fix their sex life and just dont spend enough time appriciating eachother.

what if one became paralyzed from the neck down? you would never be able to have real true honest sex with them....so does that meant hat you will never have a good realitionship again? no i dont htink so....

i dont have a high sex drive..which may explain why i was left by 2 differnt guys....one day that person may not be there anymore..so instead of spending time and money fixing things...just appriciate them....i dont think there should be a rule about how many times you have sex....but there should be a rule about how much people should appriciate eachother....

i hate men..i really do...im sorry....im just having flashback of memories

oh_pennie @ 2008-02-28T05:33:00

2008-02-28T10:34:34Z

i was online and found this adorable house in aspen(too bad i cant fucking afford aspen!!!!) haha...but god it's nice to look and dream :)

oh_pennie @ 2008-02-27T05:29:00

2008-02-27T10:31:35Z

Dear influenza,

why are you here? i got a flu shot! i realize the flu shot didn't cover what i have right now, but isn't that the reason why we get a flu shot?

penny

yeah so im doing my work at home, while sick, my manager is soo sweet, she sent me soup from this local restaurant..got it delivered from this restaurant...awww......

oh_pennie @ 2008-02-08T10:12:00

2008-02-08T15:16:11Z

i' m officially in remission :)

went to work for an hour then left because i was soo tired and happy...if that makes sense, so here i am sitting in my pj's eating a cinamon crunch bagel toasted with cream cheese from panera, watching regis and kelly with my laptop :) and im kindof sleepy so i may just fall asleep....although ishould do some cleaning here...especially my bathroom and my room but nope im being a lazy ass .

oh and ive fallen in love with the cinamon crunch bagels from panera :) i bought a dozen of them on saturday and ive already gone through 9 of them :) haha

oh_pennie @ 2008-01-21T19:28:00

2008-01-22T00:29:18Z

I just spent 350 dollars at both banana republic, and jcrew....please explain to me why i just did that? ive fallen in love with both of those stores.

oh_pennie @ 2008-01-15T20:03:00

2008-01-16T01:09:55Z

tofu on my george forman grill. steamed vegis. baked potato. and applesauce...yummy...

going to pass the fuck out today after i eat.

im getting 18,000 dollars back...alot less then i expected but o well no worries here

court hearing next week..we have to go every 12 weeks for a year with a witness stating we are "apart"...

oh_pennie @ 2007-12-27T11:25:00

2007-12-27T16:38:34Z

I received an email from Nathan this morning basically apoligizing to me and explaning to me the entire situation. I'm not going to post it, but i will sumarize it.

He told me that as a person he loves me, but he fell out of love with me a long time ago.   He's been keeping little tidbits of his life/his opinions for quite some time now because he didn't want to hurt me.   He said that it's just wrong if he had done that. I guess because i had cancer. So essentially he was pitting(sp?) me and was only around because i was ill.   He named about 4 things that he felt he wouldn't be able to go his entire life doing or without that i personally don't believe in.   I have certain morals/beliefs that i follow. He said that deep down inside of him a part of him will always be in love with me.

This makes no sense, i guess because my sense of "being in love." is alot differnt then his.   I was IN LOVE with nathan. I was in love with every aspect of him(even how slow he drived). I wouldn't change a thing, in my eyes he was 100 percent perfect.   In nathan's eyes i was 80 percent perfect.    Being in love doesn't work that way(esepcially if you want to spend your entire existence with that person).   If you are going to be spend the rest of your life with that person you have to love 100 percent of them.   If i had stayed with nathan our entire existence would be a flaw/a lie.

Suprisingly this email didn't make me cry. the past 24 hours i really haven't been sad. I mean the past month i've cried on and off, didn't get much sleep, and just daydreamed. But honestly, i dont think im fully happy yet, but im slowly but surely moving forward.

It's very hard to move on from someone you thought you would spend your eternity with. when you form your life around them, when they are your best friend its very hard.

I don't think every relationship is this way, but i do believe many people are in relatinships and there are tiny little white lies that aren't being said just to avoid hurting the other person.   The only reason is by watching friends/family/classmates/coworkers be in relationships.   I guess i know for the future to be on guard.

Anyways my mom and i are going on a road trip. Haha we have no idea where, we are just going to drive and come back on sunday.     I hope everyone has an awesome weekend.