I'm sad, i freaken like my bf's bff.
i know, i'm the worst.
but i can't stop my heart. anyway, he asked if i liked him and i said no, and then said yes, 
and he was just like "Oh."
so i asked him. and ya.
he just said that he believed to have feelings, meaning no, and then that why matter if it was never going to happen.

aghh.
i'm supper sad. heartbroken..

been at the point that eve if they want to eat... their body rejects it?
like. three bites sets off your gag reflex without you trying?
i cant eat anymore.

i dont feel anything...
havent in 15 days.

but has anyone else ever been at that point?
its kinda scary... like... idk...
i enjoy it... but feel slower and slower by the day... 
idk. any similarities?

 I'm not posting anymore due to someone thinking they'd harass me, accuse me of things, and completly betray me.  I do still read daily and comment to posts so please dont defriend me....

i will not let these ppl ruin it to the pt where i get a new journal...i will just paper journal on my own.

thanks to the supportive ppl.

i think it's really stupid that we white out the names of food here.

in recovery we didn't say it because therapy was a safe place. this is far from a safe place. we can be really brutal.

not only are there so many more things that can trigger people but in the real world food is everywhere. billboards, tv, magazines, your kitchen. we'll always have to deal with food, here is no exception.

i'm starting to wonder if my thighs will EVER shrink.....
like i'm healing from an injury, so i have to build muscle,
which only makes them BIGGER.
ughhh any ideas??

I need more adderall, I'm getting some more for ADHD in one weeks time, I hate waiting. I'm doing the 40 hour famine this weekend too so I can't eat for 40 hours and all of the money I raise goes directly to world vision, which helps childeren live a better life in third world countries. 75% of all donations go directly to the childeren which is so, so much more than some other charities.

Sponsor me to not eat and save the childeren!

https://www.famine.org.nz/Sponsor/preParticipantDonation.do?participantID=bb2b9524-e4c9-4526-83fe-5d528dd6a05b&

STATUS OHS HUO

I binged today, I am a fat fat fat fat thing made of flab. Look at my lovely thighs! flab filed!

YUM.

6"3
cw: I DONT KNOW D: my mother hid the scales, Last time I checked I was 117, I could be so so much less or so so much more
lw: 100
gw: 0 

so here are some pictures I just took. I look gross because
1) My legs are still fugging gigantic.
2) I just water loaded, so I'm super bloated right now.

But hey, now I have them and so I guess I can share them

has anyone taken adderall for weight loss? just wondering,

okay, sorry I'm doing this in so many pieces, I'll try to go delete that last one. Ana pics, self-posted, livejournal style http://community.livejournal.com/anorexicpics/

I had binged on about 700 calories after my 200 that I had originally planned to be my only calories.

Total: 900 calories
Burned: 950

I SUCK AT LIFE!

should've been negative 750, now I probably gained. Yuck!

 

 

 

    Ok...here are my bikini picks...you can be  brutal.  

My current stats are Height: 5'8, CW: 116.4 lbs

Thoughts?

I feel cornered.
Even though I've tried my hardest to not let it show,
the boy I'm seeing defnitely knows that something is up
whenever we eat together.
He tried to pressure me into eating today.

What do I do when this happens?
What can I say to make it seem normal?
I hate the tension that builds when this happens
:( 

hey girls :)

i had a horrid day. but, i found a girl at my school who appears to have an ed, she talks about it a lot and shes lost tons of weight. im kind of jealous. of course, she was a lot bigger than me to begin with, but i wish my progress showed as much as hers did. its kind of cool to discuss this stuff with someone else, without feeling completely uncomfortable. but at the same time, we're not really friends.. at all. i actually hate people like her. but, shes generally nice to peoples faces. which is cool. plus now i feel really judged, like today at lunch i had a total binge, and went for fries and gravy (i know, so bad. i was gunna kill myself when i was done.) and i saw her and she just kind of looked at me strange. its not like she completely knows im ana, but i mean.. im going to assume that a lot of the time its pretty obvious. oh well. i love my boyfriend. he held my hair for me when i purged today.

have a good night ladies.

Just binged on asparagus and pickles. I'm such a loser haha, pee is going to stink tomorrow. Oh well, gotta have a sense of humor at our own weakness sometimes (I was SUPPOSED to be fasting)

WOO HOO!!! I am going to party it up this weekend and I have to look good. I also want to feel thin. I love the feeling I get when I feel so empty! Want to join me? Send me all the thinspo you can!

Ugh. Does anyone else have major trouble sleeping? I promised myself I would stop using pills that make me drousey. So now I'm back to good old fashioned all nighters.

How do you guys deal with it?

 If this were you where would you focus to lose....be nice......nahhhh you can get nasty with me too..it may motivate me!  

I'm willing to be $ it's my FAT *SSS that's got to go..  I recommend all of you to get the littlest bikini you can find and put it on everyday/ everytime you want to eat....etc...my appetite is GONE!!! :)  Sorry if my butt is gross...use it as reverse thinspo ok!! LOL!

Someone else go put on their bikini and share.... I love seeing pictures of my comrades of ana :)

drink earl grey tea?

that shitss good :)

What do you guys do to 'escape'?  I need to escape so bad right now...

 i want to eat so bad right now!!! 

motivate me to not please!!!???

the cookies in my pantry are calling my name!!

and ive alreadyhad like 900 cals today!


help?

and how manny negative cals is an apple??

greeen tea.


how do you feel about green tea?

Hey Girls Im sorry but this LJ Account gets watched by my parents; so xmrsnickjonasx is my new username. I'll let you all know once i get accepted back into pro ana. 
But heres an update on my sucky life

Got Diagnosed with ana and depression
gained all the weight i lost back cuz of my parents.
Hating drama in school
Hating life.
Graduating on the 29th ^^
Made track team 4 high school


I missed you guys SO much! I hope your all doing well
stay strong think thin loves :]